We teach people how to treat us by what we allow...
What we allow persists.
And it's not about changing the other to suit you.... but rather adjusting yourself to suit you.
And that means boundaries, and living by your values.
The more you abandon yourself and your values, the more you compromise yourself to suit another persons poor behaviour, the more you are going to experience negative behaviour, poor values, and no boundaries. Blaming the other while not noticing it is you that has abandoned you.
It is not to impose your will on another either.
I know from personal experience the above scenario. And when I started implementing changes and boundaries necessary for my happiness and life experience it triggered judgements from others.
But another way to see boundaries is through the lens of love, not judgement.
The lens of love looks like this... you've done enough self exploration and reflection to know that you are a helper, giver, carer etc. You know you have trouble saying no, (whatever the reasons that also needs healing and reconciling so you stop saying yes)... for you know if keep saying yes when really you really don't want to say yes, resentment creeps in, anger starts to brew, exhaustion begins to take hold and you snap, crackle, pop.
Is that fair on all concerned? No because it was you allowing it in the first place... and ends up creating more drama then saying 'no' in the first instance.
So learning boundaries and saying no to things you don't want to do (for legit reasons) shows yourself respect, love and care. Also for the other because if you don't you may end up creating dramas when there need not be any saving alot of heartache for all.
It also shows the other how to also self care and correct. And how you want to be treated.
It creates choices not dramas.
It creates change not same same.
Blessings,
Mim
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